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So, it has been so long since I have been on because I have been SUPER busy. But rest assured sometime this week I will reply to everything that I have been meaning to.
This past year of living the most hectic life I have ever known, has made me realize two important truths:
1. I have realized that I do not believe in a god. I never have, I just had a bad stereotype of Atheists and didn't want to be that... So I tried to lie to myself and adopt some sort of "liberal spiritualism," but that's not going to work for me anymore as I go farther in my education and harvest my growing passion for empiricism. I have always questioned, but never wanted to take that last jump and be one of those people, who I truly thought were renouncing God simply for attention.
Because lets face it, no one wants to let go of god, but now that I have settled on the idea I know that its not as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, its much better. I believe am more moral and fascinated by the world then when I believed in a God, and I live life by the manifesto that this is the only life, and its my job to live it to its fullest and help others to do the same. Little things, like looking at a building, or a math equation, or the animals at the zoo fascinate me, and I think "we figured that out!" or "that animal is from the same evolutionary tree of life as me!" Every little coincidence that made me was a one and a ba-zallion chance; and I feel so much more special than the girl who struggled with faith and saw her self as a failure when she looked through the guilty lens of the church.
2. My entire life will be spent debating whether money is the key to happiness. Getting into psych grad school is harder than getting into med school (literally, check out "graduate study in psychology" 09 edition from your local library). I thought doing something I was passionate about meant I would always be passionate about it.
Well, I learned that if you want to make any money, you can do what your passionate about (psychology), but you must also:
1. Minor in statistics
2. Minor in anthropology
3. Do all the crappy work in the labs' of the two professors' you look up to (this includes hours of background training, CTI training, data entry, and watching/helping the little psych 101 guinea-pigs)
4. Spend enough hours in the library to get at least a 3.8GPA
5. Complete volunteer hours every semester, fulfill sorority events and obligations (to boost grad school resume)
6. Begin studying for the GRE your sophomore year and continue for the next two years
7. Beat other students into independent studies slots by sucking up to your professors
Am I really working on overdrive to someday make 60,000 a year??? Sick. Is this worth it??? I just want to go back to making art and reading good fiction... Western society is crap, and had their school system educated me in another language I would have the option to move.
Whew. Rant over.









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-- Nighthawk --
Poet, Author, Seeker of Truth and Beauty, Follower of Jesus Christ.
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"You cant shut off the risk and the pain
Without losing the love that remains...
So youve been broken and youve been hurt
Show me somebody who aint...
I just want sombody to talk to,
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I have a bad case of Germania.
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"You cant shut off the risk and the pain
Without losing the love that remains...
So youve been broken and youve been hurt
Show me somebody who aint...
I just want sombody to talk to,
and a little of that human touch"
--
I have a bad case of Germania.
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Particle man, particle man
Doing the things a particle can...
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